Frayed But Fixable

This broken feeling,
like there's a hole in my chest
where a chunk of my heart is missing.
For so long I forgot about it,
enraptured by my new love.
But it seems like the quick-fix single-stitch
is coming frayed at the ends.
I'm afraid I should have taken more time
to get over you...
like freshly painted nails that take too long to dry
and you move too soon,
ruining the perfectly polished shine.

What I have now is so much better
than I ever thought I deserved.
It wasn't at all what I had wanted for so long
but it was exactly what I needed.
In time, this wound will heal,
double- or triple-stitched by the new man in my life
with the nimble, thimbled fingers.

My New Years Resolution

Whenever I see the little orange and white Blogger symbol, I'm reminded that for a minute in March, I was inspired to keep a blog. Like most things I do, it had a limited life span and I soon forgot about it. But what if I hadn't? Would I be looking back on it right now and laughing? Crying? Maybe a little bit of both. This year has been quite the rollercoaster.

But alas, I rarely feel like I have anything interesting to say. And on the off chance that I do have something interesting to say, it's usually something I feel that only I would find interesting. Whether this is true or not...I've yet to actually find out.

But maybe I will make my resolution this year to bring this blog to life. This is my new journey.


...hopefully it's something that will last longer than a week :)

Today's rant: Clingy Boyfriends/Girlfriends

First of all, I am a girlfriend. I am also NOT a clingy one.

I know that when you have a significant other, you want to spend every waking minute of the day with them. But there is such a thing as taking it too far!

Today's rant is brought to you by frustration at my roommates.

A little bit of backstory:
I live in an apartment in a college town with my boyfriend and another couple. If we weren't all poor college students, I doubt we would all be living together. My boyfriend and the other male in the apartment have been friends for years, and when we all ended up going to the same college, we all decided to save money by moving in together.

The thing is, neither of them are bad people. They're just....kind of lame. And by kind of, I mean they're really lame.
Anyways, my boyfriend will occasionally ask the male half of our roommate-couple if he wants to go out and grab a beer, or spend a few dollars at a local retro arcade. The problem is that 3/4ths of the time, the roommate will then turn and ask his girlfriend if she wants to come, even if she wasn't invited! It's pretty lame.

Today's reason for annoyance, however, is because of the female half of the relationship. My S.O. asked our male roommate if he wanted to go out and get a beer at a local bar that had some drink specials, and our roommate said sure! I made it pretty clear that I was not going, and my boyfriend clearly asked only the other man of the apartment.
However, when our roommates were left alone, we could hear the following exchange:

girl roomie: "So should I come out, too? Can I come with?"
male roomie: "I don't think Mae(<--me)'s going..."
girl roomie: "So you're just going to leave me here, like some jerk?"*
(*note that this was not a fun, sarcastic voice, but a super-guilt-trip tone)

She continued to guilt trip him for a little while after this, too. He did manage to stand up to the pressure and went out with my bf, but really?!

People need to go out with their friends sometimes. If you aren't invited, don't push it! I actually LIKE when my boyfriend goes out with his friends since we don't share all of the same interests, and I'm sure he loves to be able to talk to someone who DOES share those interests. I know that I like to go out with just my girlfriends sometimes, and I definitely do not want to be guilt-tripped about it.

Baby Fever

Lately, I have been hyper aware of babies!
I swear, the moment I turned 22
I started noticing babies everywhere.
And it's not like there are just more babies all of a sudden...
I have baby fever.
Apparently that 'biological clock' thing is not just a load of BS like I thought it was.
Or maybe it is,
and I'm just going crazy.
One day it changed
from my being annoyed by incessantly crying babies
to wondering why they were so upset,
and feeling bad for their surely embarrassed parents.
It's not that I want to start poppin' them out right now.
I know I'm too young,
and I have too many things that I still want to do!
But if that's not the case
I'm pretty sure my biological timer
just started going off.

Longing for Spring

Winter winds carry
pain and realizations
full of cracked skin and chapped lips.
Hoping one day to be beautiful
as a teen, but still at 22,
unsatisfied in the most basic ways.
Wishing for the naivete of a child,
showing little baby bellies
in little baby bikinis
without the worry
of being deemed unworthy.
Comfortable in my own skin once,
Will I be again?